Writing Changes You
The prologue to my life as a writer began in the spring of 1993, at the age of fifteen, when I heard a song on the radio that changed my appreciation for contemporary music. The song’s melody was mellow and calming; its lyrics, poetic and sincere. I recognized for the first time that well-written songs were powerful enough to splash vivid imagery in front of my mind’s eye.
It was some seven days later I purchased the artist’s full album and listened intently to the tales told within the tracks that comprised the album; all but two never popular enough to be broadcast on the radio. However I connected with the lyrics of the twelfth track in particular, as the words resonated with me in a way I wouldn’t come to understand until many years later; the time I would begin my own journey as a writer.
Today, each day I write is a day I learn something new, not only about the craft of writing, but also of myself as a human. On reflection I learn of the creativeness I held in yesteryear, a mundaneness which I yearn to escape today, and the painful sting of certain habits and behaviors to come.
While reflecting on my past and future is generally an enjoyable experience, I’m apprehensive to allow my personal emotions, thoughts, and beliefs to work their way into my writing. And this stems my greatest fear as a writer: providing others with an open door to a full understanding of my psyche through my writings.
Prior to starting my creative writing journey, I rarely allowed myself to be an open book to anyone; there are multiple personas of me in existence today revealed to different circles of friends, colleagues, and family. But the more I write, the more I see the willingness of myself to grant full trust to others. Today there are less than five individuals walking this Earth with whom I’ve shared the munificence of my true self, and having the trust to do so conjures exhilarating emotions akin to jumping from a train trestle into a river below. The future brings hope that there will be others to come.
As I reflect and converse with the child I was twenty years ago, there’s something the boy said in response that offers some reassurance:
Matt, I was just talking to friend the other day about the ‘fear’ of writing, how coincidental is that!!
She said just keep blogging Julie, and I said ‘I’m scared someone might read it’ !!! How dumb does that sound!!
Thanks for the post, hit home for me!!
Hi Julie,
It doesn’t sound dumb at all that you have apprehension about others reading your work. I’m glad you can take comfort in knowing your not alone.
)
Regarding “fear” of writing, you’ll find all of the regular columnists here at Write Anything will be writing about fear throughout the month of May. I myself am looking forward to reading what others have to say on the topic.
-Matt