I fear fear
To talk about fear is something I greatly fear. To have the idea of sharing my greatest fear, no matter what it may be, is actually in some ways my greatest fear within itself.
I cannot begin to get into the details of the past year of my personal life, which coincides with my business and writing life. To say things have done a 180 would be an understatement. I’m not sure how many spins my life has taken this year but let’s just say that if I were on a bike wearing Monster Energy Drink t-shirt, competing for the gold medal, I’d win ten times over.
So… what’s my greatest fear?
My fear is fear.
I’ve seen the perils of fear and have lived them. My freedom and innocence has been compromised so many times this past year, it’s hard to count and hard to think about. I still shudder when I think of things and there are still a few, small burning fires that need tending to.
What fear does is get inside of your body and move straight to your mind. You start with a simple idea, maybe something like What if my new book doesn’t sell? and next thing you know, you’re in a shroud of doubt, hate, and wondering where you’ll be in ten years. You wonder if your wife loves you, you wonder if your kids love you, and you wonder if you’ll be able to live.
Yes, that is an actual fear that has passed through my mind many times… how to life. As if I can’t just take a breath and live, right?
As I said, there are depths of personal stuff here that add to the pile to climb over, but the notion is the fear of it all.
Fear takes a lot away from us, but the most – and the words – is time. One thing we will never get back is time. The second it takes you to read this sentence is a sentence that is gone forever. You’ll never have it back, never live it again. We are limited to 24 hours in a day. We have 365 days in a single year and time spent on fear is time wasted.
Personally, I’ve tried to manage time for fear. Yes, I’ll admit that. I was so bogged down with fear that I decided to make time to be afraid. How stupid is that? Stupid enough that I did it.
So, how do we face fear and conquer it?
Find the root of the fear and prove it wrong.
For me, my greatest part of the fear is the writing and ability to survive off of writing. I am, right now, a full-time writer. I own my own publishing company and everything is on my shoulders. I handle it all… day in and day out. There’s no breaks, no stopping, and no shortage of work. It’s a lovely concept if and when the day comes and you’re making a good share of money. It also comes with fear because it could topple over in a second.
When I get the jitters and the fear of fear comes to me, I simply stand tall and write something. I prove the fear wrong. I won’t say that I have don’t have bad days, as everyone does, but I will say that my greatest fear of fear is something I have to handle every single day.
So, tell me, what’s your greatest fear?
“One thing we will never get back is time. The second it takes you to read this sentence is a sentence that is gone forever. You’ll never have it back, never live it again. We are limited to 24 hours in a day.”
Well I was having a perfectly good evening until I read these four sentences of yours. LOL In all honesty, though, great post.