Two Roads Diverged And I Took Neither
Robert Frost’s poem, The Road Not Taken, sets up a wonderful contradiction. He observes two roads,
“Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same.”
He takes the one less travelled by, apparently making all the difference. I wonder, though, if the first provided the same opportunities. And did he get pebbles stuck in his shoes as he forged a path? Did he doubt himself and his abilities?
The benefit of being an emerging writer is you get to charge down the highway forged by the countless writers who have gone before. The road is broad and wide, well paved and maintained. There are even well planned toilet stops in shady areas.
With a copy of Dr Seuss’ Oh The Places You’ll Go as your inspirational literature, you set off with nary a care in the world, fuelled by enthusiasm, a hope and a dream, and the sage advice of modern gurus atop their digital hills.
There are exits to Publication, Self-Publishing, Blogging, Anthologies, Submissions, Poetry, Seminars and Festivals, Workshops and Competitions. As you pass each exit, you wonder if there will be another one down the road, another path to take to reach your destination? Have you missed your only opportunity? I doubt it.
At some point, an emerging writer must take out their own street directory (I refuse to go digital with a GPS, and no, I don’t need to turn the map upside down) and plan their own route.
However, a little way along the journey, when there are so many opportunities presented, so many directions you can go, fear niggles at the back of your mind. It’s the fear of the unknown; the fear of making a wrong decision and it can cripple your journey. You are left on the side of the road, waiting for roadside assistance to get back on your way. And it’s raining, too.
In his inaugural speech as President of the United States, Franklin D. Roosevelt proclaimed, “The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself.” A lovely sentiment, but what does it really mean?
As an emerging writer, what should I fear? Enthusiasm is a great mask to cover up insecurities and ignorance.
As I embark on writing my first novel, my greatest fear is I will not finish it. There is a big difference between writing flash fiction and short stories, to penning a 90,000-word novel. The temptation to diverge from the path is strong, to seek safer territory, but in the words of Yoda, “Do or do not. There is no try.”
I have a lot at stake. I set this time aside, taking long service leave from my job, to specifically write my first novel. If I do not succeed, will it make me a failure?
I understand my fear of not completing my first novel is a plaited rope of smaller fears. There is a fear of the process, of seeing too much detail or not seeing enough; fear of weak characterisation, a weak plot, sloppy and unrealistic dialogue, an unconvincing voice. I figure if I write the novel first, then one by one, unplait the rope one strand at a time and look at them critically, I will have a stronger manuscript.
I am a planner, rather than an off-the-cuff, no-planning writer (I’m the kind of person who organises his spontaneous moments). Therefore, I am working through Karen Wiesner’s book, First Draft in 30 Days. This will help make the steps of my journey less likely to fail. I plan to succeed.
On the journey, there will be pebbles and stones that find their way into your shoes. They are a constant reminder of the pain fear causes you. Take a moment to pause, take off your shoes and empty them out. Put one pebble back in. Leave one to remind you, to motivate you. A healthy fear is a good thing. Throw the rest away. Skip them across the first flat surface of water you come to. Throw them at random road signs.
I intend to stand in front of my computer, the cursor flashing as I hold my notes in my hand and proclaim loudly, like Marty McFly’s father, “You are my density.”
Thanks for sharing these fears today. It’s like sitting down with a friend who says, it’s okay – everyone has them. I like the Yoda quote. For that is how I will judge myself later: did I or didn’t I? No credit for trying. But I really think there should be some credit for trying. Even if we finish a crappy novel, that’s when the writing (rewriting) begins I hear. I’m getting so frozen here, I feel I can barely sign my name without looking for misspellings.
I believe there is still success to be gained from failure, like the failure to complete a novel. You can learn lessons from what did not work.
For me, I need to know I can do it in the time I have given myself. That is the challenge.
Adam B @revhappiness
I think knowing the line in the sand is really important – what is success and what is failure. I remember my first NaNo – I just wanted to complete it and with 4000 words to go and a partner in the hospital it would have been so easy to pack it in. But I stuck to it and am glad I did. When the going gets tough, you have to get tougher. Because when you make it out the other side you bring with you the knowledge you are capable of what you set your mind to.
Conversely – I ditched NaNo last year as I was going down into another depressive spiral. I’ve already pulled one piece from the 20K I wrote and its been published. Of all my NaNo adventures, it is the year of failure which has spawned the greatest success. Failure and success come in many guises! Sometimes they’re even interchangeable… to have tried and failed is better than having not tried at all.
The Frost poem is one of my favourites… I’ve always chosen the path less traveled, or in turn, chosen to forge my own path through the tangle of trees and undergrowth and waited to see who followed.
I think of the first three ‘novels’ I wrote between 13 and 17. I didn’t care if they were never published (I did try in year 12 as part of my English syllabus), I didn’t care if no one liked reading them (as it turned out – the pages were in high demand and did the rounds of my large circle of friends in plastic loose leaf slips), I didn’t care if I never got to the end because I knew one way or another I would wash up at the end. I wrote because I loved it. It gave me an outlet and escape hatch.
I finished all three novels. They’re now sitting in a plastic box in my garage with a bunch of other teenage related stuff, pages turning brittle, ink fading. But they are there.
I’m grateful for having penned them before fear.
I agree enthusiasm masks a lot of things, but enthusiasm is also rocket fuel, chest-puffing belief in yourself and contagious if you hang with enough people who are also enthusiastic and passionate.
The thing for me is Expectation. It’s like Fear’s trusty side kick. If we reserve the right to have sensible, achievable expectations then Fear is cut off from one of its many food sources. And if we only work to please ourselves, then no one else has buy in to bring Fear to the party.
Keep the faith (there – my own pop culture reference). You have surrounded yourself with a committed cheer squad who if they can’t cheer you over the line, or lure you there with a combination of strawberry milkshakes, donuts, hot chips and cups of tea, will carry you across it.
Fear be damned!
We give too much credence to fear, rather than to expectation, a stronger force.
I was thinking George Michael at first, then realised it was Bon Jovi. Prefer Bon Jovi.
Adam B @revhappiness
Yeah it was Bon Jovi… being the “huge” Bon Jovi fan that I am *cough sough*.
Expectations are massive. For me they are my downfall because I always exceed what I can humanly accomplish. Fear is a pussy in comparison.
This is a great post, though I just wanted to point out, it’s actually not a contradiction in Frost’s poem. From http://www.toptenz.net/top-10-most-misunderstood-lines-in-literary-history.php:
“Frost is actually using an old technique known as the “unreliable narrator,” and he isn’t even being all that subtle about it: in spite of the famous quote’s insistence that one road is “less traveled by,” the second stanza of the poem clarifies that both roads are “worn… really about the same.” Oh, and also, Frost himself admitted that he was actually mocking the idea that single decisions would change your life, and specifically making fun of a friend of his who had a tendency to over-think things that really weren’t that big a deal.”
That aside, I totally agree with you about healthy fear being a good thing and putting the rest away.
It’s cool to know Frost was being a cheeky so-and-so. Popular culture has tended to make the poem about the ‘road less travelled’ rather than the opportunities presented to us and the choices we make.
And we do tend to over-think when we should carefully examine, but not become lost in trying to make a decision.
Adam B @revhappiness
I suggest you pointing that out to Jude at some point Adam. When I read about the over-thinking thing, he was the first person to spring to mind. I was the second! Fear of making a decision is a cruel kind of irony.